Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A tanking guide.

Here is the situation: Your guild has been busy all day long while your at work. You finally get home and log in and are informed that the GM(and main tank) is about to leave and you are now assigned tanking duty. You start to panic. You don't know what to do. And agro is already spiralling out of control.

Ever been in that situation? I have. So I decided I would write a guide for this very situation.

Step 1) Are the appropraite debuffs up?
Step 2) Do you have the tools?
Step 3) Are you practicing the fundamentals?
Step 4) Are you prepared for the long haul?
And Step 5) How to finish with a resounding silence.

Are the appropriate debuffs up?
You absolutely MUST have these debuffs up to start and you need to keep them up. There are only two of them and here they are in the order of priority:
a) Clean Diaper. If Orclette's Diaper isn't clean you won't be able to contain the agro. I don't care how good your other fundamentals are. This is a MUST HAVE and should be checked on immediantly in the first seconds.
b) Full Belly. Only slightly less important then Clean Diaper, but irreplaceable none-the-less. If you don't have this up... I pity you and your guild should seriously sit you down and talk about your role in all of this.
c) Fully Rested. This is both a debuff for Orclette and a buff for you. It helps, but isn't mandatory.

Do you have the tools?
Now for most instances I use [Daddy's Car keys] [Big Blue Plastic Donut] and [Old Cellphone]. These will work fine. But if you are in a heroic you'll need the following:
[Mommy's Car keys] [Uncles Cellphone] [Shoelaces] and [Plastic Cup]

I've seen the lure of using [Unplugged Wires] [Uncle's Laptop] but really I think these just build bad habits that will be disasterious later.

Are you practicing the fundamentals?
Eye contact! Maintain Eye contact at all times. Just because Orclette looks away doesn't mean you can afford to. She's fast. She'll sprint away from you and cause untold damage. Or she'll catch you not maintaining eye contact and will devestate you with an agro erruption.

Positioning. Don't let yourself get into a spot you can't easily get out of. Like I mentioned in the paragraph above. Orclettes are fast. You have to be ready.

Are you prepared for the long haul?
Orclette agro can last hours. I know of at least one time I've tanked her for 11+ hrs. Wulfa has pulled 20+ hr stunts(but she's in T7 mom gear and several levels more elite than I). You must be prepared. Keep easy make edibles nearbye. Make certain you have enough materials to keep the Full Belly and Clean Diaper debuffs up. If you are lucky you'll see the Orclette go into Sleep form several times and life will be easy. If you aren't lucky.... Well I pity you.

How to finish with a resounding silence.
Speaking of sleep mode. Depending on the server time you can trigger this mode if you are careful about it. Pick the orclette up using [Goblin Made Chest-Carry Device]. Carefully then trigger [Warm Cuddly Blanket] and begin using a slow soft jogging motion while you walk around in circles.

If all your debuffs are up and the timing is right you'll force a sleep mode that can last for hours. This saves you a TON of energy and resources.

Well... I hope that was helpful. Maybe I'll do some theory crafting on what your stats need to look like next time. But thats all I have for now.

P.S. Sorry for the lack of popup links. I think WOWhead must be down because I can't find any of the gear to link to. :P


Ratshag said...

Hah! Awesomes post!

Ess said...

Hee hee hee... Awesome. :D

BigBearButt said...

oooh, that was teh awesome!

Megan said...


Kestrel said...

When Teej says "Go read Dammy" I go read Dammy. Glad I did! Great post :)

Arrens said...

Ok, now that was about 100 different kinds of awesome!

Daxenos said...

Dang, that means I need to get my tanking teenager guide written...grrrr. Thanks Dammy for raising the bar!


Althoran said...


Griff said...

Thats hawt. Way to bring the MQSOIC.

(Massive quantities of sustained, original, interesting content)

Kinzlayer said...


Honestly, I came straight over from TJ's post but I usually hit this blog right after TJ's anyway.

Breana said...

Awesome! lol!

StoneballsJackson said...

VERY cool. I just added you to my google reader.

Anonymous said...

My sister has a trinket that helps [Call uncle] with the Use: Calls forth an uncle which will kite the mob thru the mall for 2 hours. Cooldown: 2 weeks.

The long cooldown prevents it from being used regularly, but it can be a lifesaver.

Itai Greif said...

That was a great, funny, post!
Now it's my favorite, too.