Saturday, January 12, 2013

Another post.

At some point last year I stopped writing.  I was so caught up in my depression over finances, school and the future that I just stopped doing things.  I cut my reading down to nearly nothing and wasted a huge amount of time with tv and internet and saw my grades suffer, my house suffer, my kids suffer and generally all my output drop to negligible levels.

That isn’t to say I failed at everything but 2012 was definitively not a banner year for me.  And then to end it I started this winter break with turning 31 and feeling that I had done NOTHING with my life so far and how sucky I must be to be THIS OLD and not have a clue what I was doing.

I mean everyone else at this point has their masters, their own house, and perfect kids right? HAhahha.
So I shouldn’t have stopped writing.  Even with it not being my strongest point it gives me a chance to do something that doesn’t involve math and isn’t an assignment but is at least slightly productive.  It is like meditation for the non-meditating engineer.

My non-new-years-goals are to get back to the 180lbs I was in august and to get back into shape.  It is appalling how quickly depression and stress will take away your muscle and replace it with fat and sleepyness.

Additionally I want to get a 4.0 semester again and I really really want to land a decent internship that pays enough for me to afford to send the kids to their grandma’s for a few weeks this summer.

And well.  I guess that is enough.  OH wait…the story writing.  I want to write a full story.  Kinda like nananvavnblog whatsit that all the cool kids do in November but broken up over a year.

yeah that is about it.  Nothing much more.


Friday, January 11, 2013

Back to posting.

I’m at the park with the munchkins and wondering to myself if they should have been forced to wear a jacket or if it is perfectly reasonable to let them run around in long sleeve shirts if they aren’t feeling cold. 

I mean they are pretty obviously cold right now.  Except any mention of leaving makes them swear they aren’t cold. 

Well bother. 

I took my jacket off to show that I’m not cold so my parenting choices are valid because I’m not wearing  jacket while they are cold. 

I figure when I get so cold that I cannot focus any more it will be time for us to go.  And then we can go to the local bookstore and get hot chocolate.

A complete wonder to me was a joint blogcast/podcast whatever you call it.  Anyways this joint enterprise had Wil Wheaton, John Scalzi, Patrick Ruthfuss and the Bloggess all in one big bunch and a few things struck me.

First, all of them are about 10 years older than me.

Second, they all have kids.

Third, they all expressed a large amount of difficulty in handling life, the universe and everything.  Basically they went over how they felt like they sucked but then they got over it and became awesome.

Oh and the fact that all the people I consider awesome hang out together online in things like this. 

Which blows my mind. 

And they all seem so personable and normal and not a bit…. like the snobbish professor types I had imagined.  (well except the bloggess and wil wheaton… I imagined him as he is in big bang and I imagined her as someone akin to well… someone Lorelia Gilmore crossed with Cruella Devile’s fashion sense). 

And instead they simply seem like the cool kids who are just enough older than me that I can learn from them without them being my parents.

I was greatly cheered by this because secretly I rather constantly believe I suck and am failing at well everything unlike all the successful cheerful perfect people around me that have no problems at all I’m sure.