Friday, September 21, 2012


This has mostly become Wulfa's place as I've dropped off the face of the earth.

I'm struggling.

I have focused my efforts on improving myself and stretching myself past the boundaries of my previous efforts.  My goal is to be an excellent engineer and army officer while maintaining time for my family.

This isn't as easy as it sounds I guess.  Most of my problems are time management.  When I'm honest with myself I realize that I spend way too much time standing around talking or trying to multi-task and wasting my time... no substance, full of sound and fury but no teeth.

Every time I feel like I have advanced closer to my goal I immediately find myself in the same old failing place.

When I left my job to start this second college career I was in a bad, but blissfully unfeeling place.  I played video games a great deal more than I do now, and wasn't even really aware of how bad my health was.  I was in many ways a happy fat little goat chewing grass and unconcerned by anything outside of my pen.

Now I am in much better shape, a lot sharper on my knowledge and know I can go a LOT further on less sleep, time, food and money than I could back then.  Am I any happier?  In some ways yes, in others no.

At my old job me and Wulfa could go out to eat pretty much when we felt like it and after other than M-F 8-5 I was free to spend time with my family.  I owed no duty or time to anyone else and had no implied self study tasks.

Now I see Wulfa for maybe an hour each day during the week, and when I do I'm usually busy trying to get something done.  Our conversations are usually short, concise and consist of one of us giving the other one a list of things that need to be done.  When we have time to go on dates we feel guilty for asking her parents to watch the kids again as they already see the kids for 30-40 hours a week while Wulfa works full time and I try to finally get finished with this.

Am I better off?

Have I made the right decision?

Is it better to struggle for improvement or to contentedly watch life pass by from the porch?

Peace?  Or Passion?

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