Monday, October 4, 2010

Discouraged.

It's no secret I don't like New Mexico. No green. No rain. Most importantly, my family doesn't live here. And the original reasons for moving here-Damm's parents helping watch the kids, staying with them, etc.-no longer apply. I still regret being persuaded to move here based on those reasons-I should've stuck to my guns and insisted we find another way to go back to school. Preferably near my parents, back in Houston, near our friends there. Not out in the goshdarn desert. (To those friends we've made here who read this blog-we love you. You make this place bearable. I'm just ranting.)

So on days when ROTC decides at the last minute to have another event and screw with my plans for the week and my homework is piling up and the house is trashed again ... I wish I could leave it all. Take my kids and run back to TX, where the sky is blue and the grass is green and it actually rains (it's God's land, after all;).

Many people wonder how we do it. Both of us full-time in college with two kids and a household to run. Most days I'm fine-everything is scheduled and there isn't much down time but we manage. But on other days I have complete meltdowns and frequently come close to calling it quits. If there were any way to redo this whole going-back-to-college thing in favor of a more relaxed pace and no financial worries I'd do it. But there isn't, and in a way that makes it worse. There is no escape. We have to continue.

And so we will keep trudging on. It's what I do best. My brothers inherited the creative and talented genes of the family. I inherited the ability to do monotonous activities day after day without end. It's why I'm able to run marathons, it's why I was any good with music, and it's why I make good grades. A high tolerance for drudgery.

Tonight I have a spinning class. After an hour being pushed and prodded by my favorite instructor of all time I will feel loads better. My homework load will feel easy, the house won't look so bad, and the desert with it's icky creatures doesn't seem too horrible. Still butt-ugly, but not the end of the world. To those of you who wonder how I do it, here's your answer. You've now read about Wulfa at her lowest. And because I have kids, because they must be fed, I'll snap out of it.

But every once in a great while it's enough to make me write about it.

4 comments:

Dawn said...

I hope your day goes brighter! I just said a quick prayer for you. *hugs*

PhiLogical said...

I just wanted to say that I think you guys are awesome and I know things can be discouraging at times, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

bo-breaze said...

I just want to let you know there is nothing wrong with being tired and stressed. Going to school full time is work along with any jobs you have. Me and my wife are both in school full time. I work full time with 2 part time jobs she works part time. Even though it seems rough now remember what you do now will affect the rest of your life a little pain now will benifit you in the long run. So hold your head high knowing your doing whats best for your family.

Wulfa said...

Thanks guys! Encouragement is always welcome, and very much appreciated:)