Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Dark.

I cannot describe how hard it is for me to remain cheerful right now. My life is so entirely different from what I expected, that now I do not know what I was thinking back then. My plan had been to get down here and stay busy. That has been the furthest thing from what has happened.

Instead I find myself constantly distracted or in conversation. Nothing ever seems to get done and daily I lose the battle. Hell, its not even like I'm playing too many video games. I play half what I played when I was working full time. I don't think about WoW much at all now.

I don't even feel like reading.

It seems like such an easy thing to me to get a job. I mean I -know- I can do a number of different things and do them well. Even things I don't enjoy.

But thats not the issue. Even 3 months doesn't seem like a horribly long time to be without a job, and I've only been out of work for one. The issue is that I find myself with a lack of hope. I did not ever imagine I would be this down. I'm usually the bright hopeful one of our little family unit. Aww hell. Maybe I'll wakeup tomorrow and feel better. Maybe tomorrow the dark will lift and go away.


Anonymous said...

/cheer up.
Don't lose hope - and find something meaningful/purposeful to do each day - Even if its unpaid work - It will keep you socially active - helps keep an ear to the 'street' for other opportunities and will make you feel alot better about yourself.

Captain The First said...

Just keep going. I know that dark glooming depression you're walking in to as I have been jobless in the past... it's a jarring experience.

Try perhaps there's the odd job you can pick up from there depending on your skillset.

Don't worry... if you just keep at it things will pan out even if it doesn't necessarily always feel like it.

Sephrenia said...

Aww Damm. Big hugs. When I feel down, I try to do a little list of "stuff to do" and try to tick one off a day at least. Even things I normally do, to make me feel better. Kind of like an achievement - so getting the kids to school on time, washing up and clearing the kitchen, making the bed... little things to remind me that it isn't just mindless tedium.

On the job front, I'm not sure what it is you do, but have you tried some electronic routes? Somewhere like elance springs to mind, where you can bid on work that is then done at home, in your own time.

Life is a rollercoaster - if we didn't have the downs we would not appreciate the ups - I really hope your up is just round the next bend. :)

Daxenos said...

The Lord works in situations two different ways:

Sometimes the Lord steps in and fixes the problem to show us how great He is.

Other times, the Lord steps in and fixes us to show us how much He loves us.

Keep the faith, brother; God will never let you down and will always provide.


Softi said...

I know the feeling hun, you are not alone, ok? ((hugs))

Also I agree with what Sephrenia says about the little lists - it always helps me when I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a rut.

Anonymous said...

I was gonna say that my advice might sound strange...but a couple people beat me to it! As someone who has found severe depression for more than 20 years and was out of work for 5 years with an injury, Sephrenia's thing with the list helps. It is one of the things the docs had me do. It is not just being busy. The sense of accomplishment is very important. Good luck and may God's blessings be with you and your family.
Gunsnbutter Excelsior/Uther

Sugars on da Hoof said...

Well,I know its not much coming from one of your gaming aquaintances, -spelling- but cheer up, keep hope, and know that if you catch me online, I will always listen and try to make ya laugh!

scott said...

Finding a job may seem like a simple thing, but I'm afraid the reality is jobs are going to be hard to come by. This is the worse economy in my lifetime, and I don't see it getting better anytime soon. It is going to be rough for a lot of people for a while. I'm thankful I still have my job, and thankful every week I see the end of still employed.

I graduated from a fully accredited university with degrees in Mechanical Engineer, and economics in the early 90's, and went about six months without a job in my field. It was rough. I sacrificed a lot to get that education, but there were not a lot of jobs available at that time.

Looking back at the experience there were two things that stand out for me.

One was that I made it through it. I somehow managed to stay focused, and kept looking until something turned up. It wasn't a great job, but it was in my field, and it led to my next job.

The other thing may sound trite. I know it did when someone said it to me back then.

I enjoyed the time I had. Looking back at it, I never had so much time to do what I wanted. I played hockey twice a week, played in a softball league, Saturdays were Necromunda, and Tuesdays were Micro Armour. I had an active social life, something that seems like a distant dream now.

My advice is to keep at it, because something will turn up. Remember the ultimate goal is to create more opportunities for yourself in the future, and that will take giving something up now.

And as dumb as it might sound, enjoy your time. Establish a routine for yourself. Get out and do things to keep yourself busy. Enjoy the time you have with your family. When you are working, you won't have that time.