Two, and three.

At 3:30 p.m. today my vacation starts. A wonderful week and a half of relaxation time. We're not going anywhere, we're just going to be . And I decided something, totally spur-of-the-moment. I am freezing my brain. No more perusing blogs for the latest skin tips or ways to equalize hormones (I feel like I'm a teenager again). No more worrying that I'll never have clear skin again or be able to tolerate gluten. I shall be free of the internet (for the most part). I will continue to use my Dr. Bronner's tea tree oil soap, lavender witch hazel and jojoba oil. I will continue to eat gluten-free. I will cut out chocolate to see if that helps and continue to avoid dairy. I will joyfully exercise. I will sit on the couch. A lot. I will play in the sunshine with my kids. We will inventory our Christmas supplies (oh yes, we're thinking about it). I might organize a room or two. Watch a t.v. series. Re-watch LOTR. Re-read Harry Potter. It will be epic. Hopefully I...

It's amazing how much work it takes to de-stress oneself. You have to remind yourself to relax, to take deep breaths, that you can't spend hours agonizing over those details and that you need to think calming thoughts. I don't typically have calming thoughts. I think about running or lifting weights or the latest science fiction book I'm reading or how to improve my productivity at work or how to maximize my kid-time. Not exactly calming thoughts. BUT I have taken steps. And I stuck to my de-stressing plan  all day  today. I only had two cups of coffee. Two . I drank decaffeinated green tea the rest of the day. I passed up a diet soda. I bought a relaxing tea and drank that in the evening (I'm a yoga-loving tea-drinking hippy now. Sigh.). I have also purchased probiotics and diatomaceous earth. The earth stuff tastes nasty, by the way, in case you were wondering, but it's supposed to be beneficial in clearing up skin and digestive issues so I figured I'd g...

Pajamas on all day. Overcast and then rain, actual rain. Kids contentedly playing in their room or snuggling with me. Coffee and chocolate. Warm blanket, cushy pillows. New season of Burn Notice on Netflix. Perfect, perfect day. I'm still having warm and fuzzy flashbacks. It's been that long since I've relaxed that much. The only detractor was that we missed church, and that's not something I like to do. On the other hand, we spent the entire day together with no commitments, nowhere to be. The kids were loved on. We felt revitalized. And while I still feel very strongly that believers do need to gather together, I also think that, every once in a while, we should disappear on the weekends. Hole up, don't talk to anybody except your family. Just be. Rest in Him and enjoy what He has given you. So maybe my Sunday was absolutely perfect, no qualifiers necessary.

I love my job. It's where I need to be. It's keeping us afloat during Damm's time in school and has reduced the overall stress of our lives. But. Those days when I'm at work all day and then I meet Damm somewhere so we can have an actual conversation? Or I meet a friend? And then my hours with my kids are reduced to two or three, and they're cranky hours because they're tired, I'm tired. And I just want to retire. I have to remind myself, though, that my job is a God-thing. I wasn't going to apply, didn't think I was brave enough. But I heard that voice, felt that nudge, knew that I needed to apply. I knew I was going to get it from the beginning. So I have to trust that my kids will be ok, that my prayer of my time with them being doubly meaningful and valuable has been heard, and that they won't remember the days when momma was gone so much. And I also think how good it is that I have these moments of sadness, because it reminds me that I rea...

This is a rather tragic occurrence. Due to my job I am surrounded by books, by book dust, by people who love books. Maybe it's overload? Whatever the case, there is nothing new right now that I'm tempted to read. I did think about reading the new Pittacus Lore book ("The Rise of Nine" I think) but then I heard that P. Lore is none other than James Frey, infamous writer of "A Million Little Pieces" (The Wikipedia article says nothing about him writing the series so my information may be unsubstantiated. I'll do more searching and report back if he didn't write the series). If you don't remember, and it's not a big thing if you don't, James Frey was featured on Oprah. For a while there anything featured on Oprah became a major bestseller, we would sell out, the warehouse would run out and it became an absolute nightmare. Then we'd have plenty and everything would be good, the angst forgotten. Anyway, James Frey pitched his book as a n...

I got impatient. Honey  is awesome, but honey draws out impurities. I wanted to know when the impurities would stop. I've changed diet (i.e. the whole Paleo/gluten-free thing), I've tried to reduce my stress levels (yoga! when I have time!) but my face wasn't looking like I wanted it to look. And when I was browsing the health food store and saw this item I decided to try it. A huge tub for $7, why not? Maybe it would be the fix I needed. First usage I wasn't that impressed. Like many products, there is a transitional period with the clay and the next day my face wasn't looking much better. I waited a few days then tried again. Much, much better. I washed off the stuff and my face looked reborn. Now, I said that about the honey (and then it all went south) as well so I'm still being cautious in my praise, but right now, after having used it a total of four times over a two week period, I really like the clay. I'm going without makeup finally and have had r...

One thing I have had a very hard time coming to terms with in my recovery from eating disorders is that life happens . Even when it comes to food. I'm still not entirely ok with it. I am that person who, at family gatherings (or other food-related events), will bring her own food or eat beforehand. I don't make a big fuss about it, I just quietly do my own thing (unless people start teasing me. Then you're in for an earful as I explain why I'm doing what I'm doing). I will avoid certain social gatherings because the food won't be acceptable. And it's not even a downer for me. I'd actually rather not go. But I don't want to be ruled by food like that. I have cultivated a long-term view of health (for the most part) and I have proven to myself that I can make adjustments, I can compensate when the day has been bizarre and long and tiring and you really just want Mexican food. It's hard, though, to maintain balance, especially when I'm constan...